Basketball, with its "rules" and inexplicable dearth of "shell-based weaponry" is a now rather-outmoded concept. Truly, the kids they are crying out for a new baskeball experience, one with giant apes and ghosts and evil clones of plumbers.
The kids, they want the Mario Hoops 3-on-3.
Now yes, this game is old news, having quickly come and gone amid the hype of this September's Tokyo Game Show. But it's rapidly become my guilty pleasure, an absurdist fantasy where a slam dunk can net me about 70 points and defense is some distant concern. People have seen me on public transportation, violently slashing the Nintendo DS stylus so as to make my team of modern-day colossi do my video bidding. And the people on the F train have heard my exultant cries as Mario, in fact, takes it the hole.
(In a totally nonpornographic way, ye of the dirty mind.)